Purgatory - The prow at Back Bowden

Photo: Mark Savage

My dad got me into trad climbing as a kid, we didn’t have any lessons, including being taught how to place gear, and as a result we just didn’t fall off. Back Bowden was the crag of choice as a kid. Bowden was always busy and my dad and I didn’t like crowds, so Back Bowden became our local spot. We loved the rock quality and it’s super impressive lines. We spent years working through the grades moving from one buttress to another. The one wall that always felt too hard, and far too intimidating was the tube wall, it looked so blank. ‘Holdless’ and more importantly ‘gearless’. Looking up as a 12 year old it seemed impossible, silly even, to attempt to climb such a blank looking wall.

I remember being inspired as a 14-year-old watching Mark Savage scream his way up ‘Savage Slab’. I had never seen anyone try so hard or move with such confidence so far above the gear! That was a light bulb moment for me, if he can do it why can’t I?

Fast forward 5 years and I’m 19 years old. I have climbed the ‘Tube’, ‘Lost Cause’, “On and Off the Rocks' and ‘Peak Technique’. I was slowly starting to understand what I was capable of and knew I now needed a challenge. Something that had yet to be done. Mark had told me of the ‘Prow’ to the left of ‘Lost Cause’. The line is amazing and is the first thing you see when walking over the hill towards Back Bowden. A perfect steep prow, on one of the most impressive walls in the county. With a lot of nervous energy I started abseiling the line every time I was at the crag, looking for holds. I never found many. The line was super steep and suited my style of climbing-very big powerful moves on small but positive holds. The only sequence I could come up with was to take the left-hand crimp on ‘Lost Cause’ with my right, put a high heel on the blocky jug then come into a super small left-hand razor before making the big move, left hand again into a front two-finger pocketed crimp. This move was super precise and required massive body tension. Once established on the two-finger pocket it’s another big move to a terrible pinch before cutting my feet and flicking into a three-finger slot. If you catch the slot correctly it’s big moves to victory! The sequence wasn’t long but very involved as if you catch any of the holds wrong then you are off, get one of the start moves slightly wrong and you won’t be able to do the last moves. This line was perfect! 

During this time, I was competing internationally for Team GB in the bouldering World Cups. The climb, at Back Bowden, reminded me more of a powerful comp style boulder than a classic trad route. The training for the World Cups meant I was strong but I still did not feel strong enough to link any of the moves together on the line at Back Bowden. The movement was so unique and so hard I needed to become even stronger. 

Every winter I consistently applied effort into trying to link any of the moves together. After two winters I could catch the two-finger pocket from the floor but then I would fall off the pinch. During this time, I wasn’t thinking about leading the route, it felt too much to contemplate. I could only do the first big hard move to the two fingers, one in every 5 attempts, and then I could only hold the cut loose 1 in every 10 attempts. The thought of doing these moves over gear seemed insane. The steepness of the line and the slab below makes any potential falls not worth thinking about. The line is E8/9 and the climbing compared to a Font 8a/+. The thought of doing Font 8a while contemplating an E8 fall felt stupid. I needed to become even stronger. 

At no point did I feel like I wasn’t going to climb this line, I spent 5 years in total working the route and I always knew I would climb it. Maybe I was inspired by learning from all the climbers in the county who have come before me like watching Mark Savage’s unwavering confidence as he power screamed his way up a slab, there was NO not succeeding. No option to fall off. Pure dedication to a craft means any risk was mitigated, the only reason someone would fall off is if they weren’t perfect.

But why wouldn’t you be perfect? Practise makes perfect. I think that’s what Northumberland breeds, the rock is some times questionable but the lines are crying out to be climbed. So, work hard, be patient and don’t fall off.

I was now 22 years old and had been trying the prow at Back Bowden every winter for 4 years. I was loving the process and could see a massive improvement each year. During this time, I was constantly competing, I had climbed Font 8b, E9 and 8c routes, my confidence was up and I could see myself actually climbing the line. I think before this it was only a dream, now I knew I could climb it, I knew the risks better and knew they could be controlled.

I needed to have every move of this climb on lockdown and practise was key. I visited Back Bowden 4 times a week, linking the moves in overlapping sections till eventually, after many attempts, I climbed the line on top rope. Stubborn determination had seen me through. The first time this happened felt like a dream. I had put so much work into this line, so many nights lying awake thinking of other sequences or other things to try. It was possible; I had just linked all 5 moves and was sat on top of the climb looking over the Northumberland landscape feeling elated. However, this reinforced one thing, it doesn’t count until it’s led.  My excited energy turned to anxiety, as now I had to climb it on lead. Any mistakes would result in me being badly hurt.

I love that pressure, I loved competing for that reason and I think that’s why I love hard trad climbing, it’s the pursuit of being the best you can be. In a comp the worst that will happen is you loose, yes it’s painful as all your preparation and hard work didn’t pay off but a lot less painful than a broken leg. Fall off a hard trad route all your preparation and hard work didn’t pay off and now you have a broken leg to remind you that you weren’t good enough. This is character building at its best. The fall off the cut loose move, would result in a trip to hospital, if you land well, you might walk away without a broken limb. But the steepness of the line and the slab below would result in a massive impact that is really best avoided. 

The day I decided to climb the line there were a few others at the crag, Mark Savage was there with his camera to capture the first ascent and I had my dad belaying. I was so focused I couldn’t tell you much about what was talked about that day, all I was thinking of were the 5 moves that would take me to victory. I was confident, I knew I could do it and I listened to that more than the fear of failure. I had put the time in, practised the moves until I could see them in my sleep. If it wasn’t going to happen now, it never would. 

Setting off I felt at peace, so focused that I couldn’t hear anything. I did the big move to the blocky jug then crossed over to the crimp, after placing the high heel there Is no going back, left hand to the razor and try harder than you have ever done before. I stabbed left hand again into the two-finger pocket and caught it wrong, I hadn’t caught it wrong in weeks, shit I could be off here. However as soon as that thought passed into my head a stronger voice told it to get lost, I’ve got this! I readjusted like a mad man, snatching the left hand into the position I needed for the next move. I closed my fingers on the two-finger crimp and squeezed, God would have to come down and rip me off this wall because gravity wasn’t going to be enough. I stood tall, grabbed the pinch, squeezing the life out it and cut loose. Hitting the three-finger pocket I knew I wasn’t going to fall. At this point I knew I had done the route with still two moves to go. I could relax and enjoy knowing I wasn’t going to fall. Grabbing the top jug, I swung out and roared with victory. I had climbed my dream line; a line I felt was made for me. Words can’t describe how I felt, all the hard work was totally worth it. I loved every minute, loved the process. Purgatory was born, a 5-year project that taught me more about myself than anything else I have ever attempted.

Just like that it was done, 5 years of consistent work, over in under two minutes. Never losing sight of the ultimate goal. Never doubting the process. 

Thank you to Mark Savage for capturing this moment. Thanks to my dad for always believing in me and the belay.